Review: Books: I Am Number Four

Posted on April 30, 2012

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I Am Number Four: Review by AuthorGeek

Book-jacket Synopsis: The aliens from the planet Lorien are all but extinct. The only ones that remain of their species, with the exception of a few, are the Nine. Labeled one through nine and with a tattoo on their ankle denoting their number, they can only be killed by their nemesis–the Mogadorians–in numerical order.

One, Two, and Three are dead. Only Number Four remains. Number Four has recently taken the alias of John Smith. His caretaker is posing as his father. As John Smith adapts to his new life, he makes new friends, hones his abilities, and falls in love.

Review:

Let me first say this. DON’T. READ IT. IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY DO NOT READ IT.

My first impression of the book was good. It had a promising synopsis and prologue. I even suffered through the first 10 chapters in hopes that I would find something like the prologue’s action ahead.

What was in these first 10 chapters, you ask? Well. I will tell you. John Smith gets a girlfriend named Sarah and a little bit of conflict happens with her ex-boyfriend. That’s it. Yeah, John discovers his night-light abilities and, yeah, he learns some boring expositional junk about his planet.

This continues for another few chapters. Then the ACTION BEGINS! John’s only friend, a nerd called Sam, has an alien conspiracy magazine that mentions the Mogadorians. John’s caretaker goes to its publication office in Athens…OHIO…and John enlists his pal Sam to help him get there when Caretaker doesn’t return. Sam (under the legal driving limit and with screwed-up eyes from wearing his dad’s glasses, mind you) drives his father’s truck with John in tow to Athens.

And then a fight scene or something happens.

Then a few more boring chapters. (I’m telling you, this is Twilight from the vampire’s perspective and without excessive Thesaurus usage.) And then the Mogadorians arrive and the last ten chapters are one long, multi-faceted, REALLY STRANGE climax.

The Mogadorians arrive! And they trash the school! And they kill some people! And Number Six shows up! And the Mogadorians use naaaaature-kiiiillliiiing weeeeapons so you KNOW they’re evil. (Conversely, the aliens of Lorien get their powers from the plaaaaaanet as rewaaaard for being naaaature-frieeeeendly.)

And then the dog from, like, the beginning of the book turns out to be a shape-shifter. Because no-one saw THAT coming. Totally didn’t guess that the dog would be an alien.

And then Six shows up! And then a bunch of other stuff happens and the dog and a giant monster face off! And I don’t remember what else because the entire book was stupid and I just wanted it to be over.

I went into it hoping for a wonderful Sci-Fi adventure. Maybe it would take itself seriously. Maybe it would be geeky and cheesy. But no. It’s just another stupid, boring teen book with barely any plot.

And, on another note, the author put themselves in the story.

TL;DR:

Do not read I Am Number Four. Don’t. Unless you like boring things. In which case I would rather attend a seminar on whether the proper term is “Beige” or “Tan.”

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Posted in: Books, Reviews